An Explanation

I apologize for leading you on about posting more often, then abandoning you for over a week. I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath to hear from me. Though I have been busy with visits from friends, doctor and hair appointments, there’s a more diabolical force at work here…

Just as I was planning a new writing routine, I hit a block, my old friend Existential Angst. It’s a side effect of my mortality, sometimes scary and sometimes hopeful, depending on the trigger. When my friend’s mom died at 99, I was chuffed, thinking, yeah, I’ve got 26 years left. When another friend got a grave diagnosis at 75, my brain freaked out with unfounded fear.

One way I cope with the thoughts is at the piano – Beethoven’s Adagio can soothe the savage beast. As for Writing, the only way I can comfortably express these feelings is by putting them in Handwriting, letting the thoughts flow freely through my fingers, a bit the same as tinkling the old ivories. For several years now, I have done a bit of writing, by hand, with a pen, on paper, every morning. I don’t know if I’ll ever share those pages – some of it is good, some is awkward – but all of it is sincere and provides me with clarity to move forward, eventually.

Another way I’ve learned to live with this incurable affliction of anxiety, is to go outside, even if it’s only to sit on the swing. I was already on a crusade to stop mindlessly scrolling, so I’ve been putting the phone away except for texting/calls, and finishing up the garden chores, bringing in the sheaves and such. The weather has been more than fine, so that’s helpful. The last of the dried basil and oregano have been put in jars, and I made some pesto with the last fresh plant. My rosemary is blooming! Mint is enjoying these last warm days, and I still have morning glories and moonflower vining along the trellis.

I also went to the library and got some books – historical fiction, a mystery, and a memoir – and the feel of those in my hands was comforting. I usually read on my Kindle, but put it away in favor of my Nook so I wouldn’t be tempted to jump down any rabbit holes.

Reading is a Great Escape, so in addition to reading novels, I have spent quite a spell perusing blogs from my Word Press reader. There so many Wonderful artists writing real good for free. I am inspired by them and their ability to express their hearts in beautiful words. I’m also a little intimidated! I know we shouldn’t compare or compete, but the blogs I follow are so good that my little paragraphs seem tawdry. Thanks to all of you for putting yourselves out there – I sure needed to read what you wrote.

So that’s where I’ve been. I’m still working on the Ancestry stuff, planning a cemetery trip to Crawford and Harrison Counties, Indiana, in search of the Kirsch, Rudi, and Goodson graves. I have a little more info on my namesake, great-grandmother Christina Kirsch Goodson, but I’m mostly using my imagination! That’s what makes a good story, though, isn’t it?

I won’t promise you that I’ll post more often, but I’m really going to try, so check back!

Peace