I’m in a slump… >sigh< I want my Words to Flow effortlessly from my fingertips. I want every stroke of the key to reveal a sentence that is perfection. I want each of my Elevated Thoughts to be expressed so exquisitely that you gather at my feet enraptured by my Wokeness.
Being a Writer is an old, old dream that I cooked up six or seven Lives ago. Through the years, I scribbled in notebooks and journals, but always thought that if I only had the time that Great American Novel would write itself.
I’ve blogged for 15 years now, but being a blogger is not considered to be the same as being a Writer. In fact, I’ve been told by several writer/friends that it is my blogging that gets in the way of my writing. Actually, I feel like the time I spend working on the book just gets in the way of my blogging.
I guess I’ve put some ancient expectation on myself that I have to publish a book in order to be a Writer. In this day of self-publishing, how difficult could it be to satisfy my ego with a published book? So I’ve written some chapters and re-written them and put them away. I get them out and re-read them and think, that’s not bad, just finish it. Then I end up editing them and putting them away again, on a loop. It feels forced and Not Fun and sort of depressing. Currently I want to burn it all…
I realize that I’m not a conventional blogger who monetizes her blog and cranks out the “5 things you can’t live without” posts. I know that my following is meager. Still, the idea of not blogging gives me the existential heebie-jeebies. For the most part, I have thoroughly enjoyed writing these 1000+ posts over the years.
Thanks to the Feeling of Freedom that has persisted since our trip, I’m letting go of the worn-out dream of Being a Writer aka writing a NYT bestseller (but I’m not going to burn the pages I’ve written). I’m letting go of the daydream that I’ll be a hit on all the late-night shows (but I’m still preparing clever repartee, just in case). No more guilt or feeling like I’ve not lived up to…something. I’m sticking with what I enjoy, no matter how hard it is…even if I have to blog about doing the laundry or cleaning the house…even if nobody reads it.
An interviewer once asked one of my favorite authors, Ursula LeGuin, advice for writers, and she replied: “I am going to be rather hard-nosed and say that if you have to find devices to coax yourself to stay focused on writing, perhaps you should not be writing what you’re writing. And if this lack of motivation is a constant problem, perhaps writing is not your forte. I mean, what is the problem? If writing bores you, that is pretty fatal. If that is not the case, but you find that it is hard going and it just doesn’t flow, well, what did you expect? It is work; art is work.”
Look out! The Blogger is Back.
Thanks for reading!