I still don’t understand why, but “suspicious activity” had been detected, so they said. Okay. They wanted me to send them a picture of myself, so they could determine if, indeed, the me that was sending them the picture was the Real me. The Actual Person me was immediately offended, then concerned, so I took the problem to google and discovered that this is not an uncommon situation and it was safe to send them the picture. But what’s up with sending them a picture? Don’t they already have all my pictures? Couldn’t I just pick one of me even if I weren’t me? How does that verify that I’m really me? I look at recent pictures and hardly recognize myself, so where does Mr. Bigshot Facebook get off thinking he knows me so well. Shouldn’t they ask me piercing questions: What is the name of your first elementary school? What was your grandmother’s maiden name? What is the most surprising thing you can tell us about yourself? How could I surprise them? They — who the hell is They? — track everything I do on the internet. How, or why, would they suspect that I am not me? Who else could I be? I am decidedly me. And that old woman in the picture is not the proof you are looking for.
I checked my driver’s license. There is a picture of me, taken 12 years ago, wearing my nurse scrubs and dark red lipstick, long hair, few wrinkles. That’s not me, though it was me. I turned to my brand-spankin-new Medicare card. No picture, but the name: Christina J Casey. I was so bummed when I got my card and saw that I was now going to be, until I fly away from this terrestrial globe, Christina J. (I was named after my mother (Ruby Christina), a default measure after Dad wanted to name me Ruby. I don’t know why they never called me Christy, or Tina, or just Christina, but they didn’t. I was The Bug to my Dad and Jo to everyone else.) Perhaps that’s suspicious?
This all happened 4 days after I had started my hiatus from blogging, determined to retreat and reset. I got to thinking it must be a sign that I needed to verify for myself that I am still me.
I began a a spell of study with teachers from the Sounds True Meditation and Mindfulness Reatreat: Alice Walker, Eckhart Tolle, Pema Chodron, and Thich Nhat Hanh. I listened to some of Oprah’s Sunday interviews with Maya Angelou. I reviewed my Ayurveda lessons and did some Dosha and Chakra Work. When the snow and ice came, I watched the birds at the feeders and soaked up the warm cozy. I started 2 book challenges, one fiction, the other non and read 2 from each list so far. I dragged out my book of 40’s standards and played Misty and Cry Me a River.
I got back on the treadmill–but only once!!! Now That proves that I’m really me.
I did eventually send the folks at fb a picture of me, and a week after that, I was bombarded with a barrage of “come back and see what you’ve missed” emails and notifications. I really hadn’t missed a thing.
I am returning to blogging, though, refreshed! ready! But I still wonder who I am…