It’s been on my mind for a while, now;  I hesitate to write it about it, to expose it to the light of day and judgment of Others.  But I seemed blocked by it, as if I’m hiding something…or hiding from something.

It’s about my high school class reunion, re-named a Birthday Celebration.   Wait, back up…

I really like facebook for many reasons.  1) I get to “see” people who I’ve lost touch with.  2) People get to see me, and ain’t I cute?  3) I can control it, i.e. what I reveal, who I share with, etc. 4) some people Can’t control themselves and I love to silently judge them before I hide them.   While it’s lost its luster, I still check in and check it out.  I think catching up with high school classmates on FB,  sharing pictures of our grandkids and glimpses of  our lives, is enough “reunion”.  After all, most of them live here in Evansville, many have had to return often to visit their parents over the years, and none  felt compelled to give me a call during the last 42 years…sooo…

I’m okay with all that, right?  Luckily, I had planned to be out of town on the week-end they chose to party, so that’s fine…  Except our plans changed and I started second-guessing myself.   I began to obsess over my horrible, terrible, unhappy, awful high school years and how Extremely fuckedup my family life was, and how sad and miserable and scared and young and..and…  It didn’t get any better after high school and into nursing school…I spiralled downward, downdown…   It took me Years and Years to climb back…

While none of this has anything to do with the people I went to high school with, I was left with a terribly wistful feeling, wishing I’d actually made some friends…for I actually made not one Real Friend in all those years.  I read the FB posts on our high school page and was amazed that these people actually Remember each other—I swear, I thought Joe E. was in the class of 72— and had fun together…and it made me sad.   However, it did not inspire me to go to the party and finally make some high-school friends…(though I really had some outstanding classmates and it would be fun to do a one-on-one get-together with a couple of them).  I simply dredged up some uncomfortable memories…

There!!  I’ve said it:  I hated High School. I’m tired of being sad, though, and there’s no future in the past.  Life is all about moving on…

Ellis Park opens next week and I’ll be back out there protecting the populace.

Melissa, Emma, and Eliza will be landing at Sonnystone 7/13, staying until 7/31 !!!   Hurray and hurrah!!!

don't look back